1/3 Over

Well…a couple of firsts with this post: 1) my first baby post and 2) my first post written using the WordPress app for my Droid phone. I am not sure how I feel about composing a long post on my phone’s keyboard, but I can post from bed, so I guess it is a win.

So, according to another app on my phone, today is the first day of Keiana’s second trimester. It doesn’t feel like any time has gone by. Really it seems like just the other day we found out and then told everyone. There have been some changes, but for the most part many of them have not happened to me. As a consequence I am still a little disconnected from everything. As I have read, it is not uncommon for dads to not feel truly attached until they can hold a newborn baby. I read in one book that at this point the baby is just another item on a checklist. While it is more than that to me, I am focused on getting things ready.

To that end the most important thing I have done these past three months is pray. I have prayed for my beautiful wife’s health and safety. Little things that I never paid much attention to before are demanding my full attention. I have started paying attention to every recall announcement.

My other prayer is for myself. I pray that God prepares me to be a father. However, I don’t want to just be a father, I want to be a dad. I want to be daddy. to be honest, the thought kind of freaks me out. To date, there have been many times when I’ve been presented with two choices and chose the wrong one. To date, those choices have only affected me. Soon those choices will affect a little one’s life. More than ever my prayer is that I listen for and follow the direction God is leading me.

I have started reading books that prepare men for pregnancy. My favorite, (and the only one I’ve purchased so far), is “Dad’s Pregnant Too.” It is full of helpful information, but I don’t think any book can prepare you to be a parent. I did an interview recently with a sociologist who pointed out that “there are a lot of people who have children, but not a lot of parents.” That is so true and I just hope and pray I am ready for what is coming our way.

Of course, perhaps my prayers for the wisdom of Solomon have already been answered. While I have made many mistakes in my life, each one has shaped me into the man I am today. Each turn brought me to Keiana, the absolute love of my life. I am certain I will continue to make mistakes, but with Keiana by my side I know I can accomplish anything. I am so thankful to have a wife who loves me more than any wife has ever loved her husband. I know I don’t deserve her, but I suppose that is the perfect example of God’s grace and mercy. He has given me so much that I don’t deserve. Now I just pray I will be able to be the husband and father God wants me to be.

More to come…this baby is just beginning, and apparently I don’t mind typing long posts on this phone.